{"quotes":[{"text":"On the other side of St John’s house is a fake egg timer who can’t maintain an erection. He shares the property with a glossy beef burger called Tom, who has been painted by a seven year old magistrate in order to be entered for this year’s Miss East Lancashire competition. Next door to them is a Dundee cake with a lisp.","author":"St. John Morris","tags":["comedy","humour","non-sequitur","satire","surreal"],"id":33689,"author_id":"St.+John+Morris"},{"text":"Tobak Davenport, who is a cross between some Sugar Puffs and Lynn Faulds-Wood, was squatting there before being removed by the local constabulary after he went round to complain about Luther Blisset’s pet turkey fouling the communal herb garden.","author":"St. John Morris","tags":["comedy","humour","non-sequitur","satire","surreal"],"id":70539,"author_id":"St.+John+Morris"},{"text":"Run. Flee. Fuck off. Vanish from my presence and take the foul stench of your sordid secret with you.","author":"St. John Morris","tags":["comedy","humour","non-sequitur","satire","surreal"],"id":81310,"author_id":"St.+John+Morris"},{"text":"Private Benjamin lives next door but one to Bob Cryer from The Bill. I once saw him crouching down behind a sycamore tree and using his nose as an Allen Key to release a starving rat.","author":"St. John Morris","tags":["comedy","humour","non-sequitur","satire","surrealistic"],"id":92765,"author_id":"St.+John+Morris"},{"text":"A huge meringue with polio who drives everywhere in a beautifully restored Hillman Imp.","author":"St. John Morris","tags":["comedy","humour","non-sequitur","satire","surreal"],"id":101466,"author_id":"St.+John+Morris"},{"text":"Beetroot Cossins had moved to Kuala Lumpur where she had died of lethargy and pie.","author":"St. John Morris","tags":["comedy","humour","non-sequitur","satire","surreal"],"id":125920,"author_id":"St.+John+Morris"},{"text":"Oh yeah, well I suddenly realises that she’d only been with my boyfriend at the Co-op Christmas do when I were eighteen. So I grabs her head and I stuck it through a display of them Muller’s rices and I told her. That’s for shagging Kevin Cooper you stupid fucking cunt.","author":"St. John Morris","tags":["comedy","humour","non-sequitur","satire","surreal"],"id":129989,"author_id":"St.+John+Morris"},{"text":"People who have practiced occult religions for many years are being told that they don't know the first thing about their own religion and its beliefs and practices - and that a bunch of zealots from another religion posing as 'experts' (in a religion they despise/ fear/ oppose and who peddle slander and misinformation about occult religions), are more credible than they are.Non Seqitur. This does not follow.","author":"Christina Engela","tags":["beliefs","despise","experts","fear","misinformation","non-sequitur","occult","oppose","peddle","practiced","practices","religion","religions","slander","zealots"],"id":132938,"author_id":"Christina+Engela"},{"text":"I once went to one of his Virgin Vie parties and had a really good time watching Chas having a paddy whilst trying to put on Dave’s socks, before realising that he only had two feet, compared to Dave’s three.","author":"St. John Morris","tags":["comedy","humour","non-sequitur","satire","surreal"],"id":142365,"author_id":"St.+John+Morris"},{"text":"What have you got in there you little bastard?","author":"St. John Morris","tags":["comedy","humour","non-sequitur","satire","surreal"],"id":169422,"author_id":"St.+John+Morris"}],"pagination":{"page":1,"page_size":10,"total":22,"pages":3,"next":"?page=2\u0026page_size=10"}}