{"quotes":[{"text":"We noticed a crasher at the bar - that shows what a real man he is - he's here to show he's not ticked for not being asked.","author":"Anonymous","tags":["openers","introductions"],"id":5054,"author_id":"Anonymous"},{"text":"Speaker: I have only ten minutes and hardly know where to begin. Voice in back: Begin at the ninth.","author":"Jacob Braude","tags":["openers","introductions"],"id":5966,"author_id":"Jacob+Braude"},{"text":"Will the people in the cheaper seats clap your hands? All the rest of you  if you'll just rattle your jewelry.","author":"John Lennon","tags":["openers","introductions"],"id":15699,"author_id":"John+Lennon"},{"text":"He was thirty-six years old, and six foot three. He spoke English to people and French to cats, and Latin to the birds. He had once nearly killed himself trying to read and ride a horse at the same time.","author":"Katherine Rundell","tags":["birds","cats","english","french","horseback-riding","horses","humor","humorous","introductions","latin","reading","reading-books","reading-books-humor"],"id":32032,"author_id":"Katherine+Rundell"},{"text":"The first Rotarian was the first man to call John the Baptist Jack.","author":"H. L. Mencken","tags":["openers","introductions"],"id":53190,"author_id":"H.+L.+Mencken"},{"text":"If any of you are related to our main guest  let me know so I can speak slowly.","author":"Wendy Morgan","tags":["openers","introductions"],"id":62597,"author_id":"Wendy+Morgan"},{"text":"When I was preparing for this speech I asked my family for advice. One member replied  'There's a first time for everything  so try to be funny and brief.'.","author":"Anonymous","tags":["openers","introductions"],"id":65754,"author_id":"Anonymous"},{"text":"Goldie Hawn is funny  sexy  beautiful  talented  intelligent  warm  and consistently sunny. Other than that  she doesn't impress me at all.","author":"Neil Simon","tags":["openers","introductions"],"id":72878,"author_id":"Neil+Simon"},{"text":"Good evening  ladies and gentlemen. I'm pleased to be with you. (Pause) That concludes my prepared remarks.","author":"Anonymous","tags":["openers","introductions"],"id":88051,"author_id":"Anonymous"},{"text":"Thank you for the privilege of speaking to you in this magnificent auditorium. You know the meaning of the word auditorium  don't you? It is derived from two Latin words  audio  'to hear ' and taurus  'the bull.'.","author":"Larry Wilde","tags":["openers","introductions"],"id":92743,"author_id":"Larry+Wilde"}],"pagination":{"page":1,"page_size":10,"total":60,"pages":6,"next":"?page=2\u0026page_size=10"}}