{"quotes":[{"text":"No more tubs for me.' I jumped off the bed and pulled on a pair of Pack sweats. 'They make me lose all sense.'Curran sprawled on the bed with a big self-satisfied smile. 'Want to know a secret?'Sure.'It's not the bathtub, baby.'Well, aren't we smug. I picked up the corner of the lowest mattress and made a show of looking under it.'What are you looking for?'A pea Your Majesty.'What?'You heard me.'I jumped back as he lunged and his fingers missed me by an inch.'Getting slow in your old age.'I thought you liked it slow.'A flashback to last night mugged me and my mind executed a full stop.He laughed. 'Ran out of snappy comebacks?'Hush. I'm trying to think of one.","author":"Ilona Andrews","tags":["curran","hilarious","ilona-andrews","kate","magic"],"id":3537,"author_id":"Ilona+Andrews"},{"text":"Torch strode over and stared at the fiver'What's this?'Some change for you. Buy your flunkies some decent clothes.' I dipped my fingers into the jar and smeared think fragrant paste on my face. Torch frowned, mirroring the expression on my aunt's face.'Change?'Oh, for crying out loud. 'It's money. We don't use coins as currency now, we use paper money.' He stared at me. 'I'm insulting you! I'm saying your poor, like a beggar, because your undead are in rags. I'm offering to clothe your servants for you, because you can't provide for them. Come on, how thick do you have to be?'He jerked his hand up. A jet of flame erupted from his fingers, sliding against the ward. I jerked back from the windows on instinct. The fire died. I leaned forward. 'Do you understand now?' More fire. 'What's the matter? Was that not enough money?","author":"Ilona Andrews","tags":["erra","ilona-andrews","kate","magic-bleeds","poor"],"id":25990,"author_id":"Ilona+Andrews"},{"text":"This doesn't mean you're getting a discount.'Audrey heaved a mock sigh. 'Oh well. I guess I'll have to ply you with sexual favors, then.'Gnome choked on the soup. 'I'm old enough to be your grandfather!'Audrey winked at him, gathering the empty bags. 'But you're not.","author":"Ilona Andrews","tags":["audrey","fate-s-edge","funny","gnome","ilona-andrews","the-edge"],"id":36114,"author_id":"Ilona+Andrews"},{"text":"Kid 1: *examining my gorgeous strawberry and blueberry pies*: Wow, Mom, your pies don’t look awful this time.Me (Ilona): ...~A little later~Kid 2: *wandering into the kitchen*Kid 1: Hey, you’ve got to see these pies. *opening the stove*Kid 2: Wow. They are not ugly this time.Kid 1: I know, right?","author":"Ilona Andrews","tags":["2011","funny","ilona-andrews","ilona-andrews-website","kids","pie","thanksgiving"],"id":40222,"author_id":"Ilona+Andrews"},{"text":"She surveyed the carnage behind him. 'Did you have fun?'He showed her his teeth. 'Yes.","author":"Ilona Andrews","tags":["bayou-moon","cerise","death","ilona-andrews","the-edge","william"],"id":66669,"author_id":"Ilona+Andrews"},{"text":"At the door, Audrey called, 'Are you coming?'No, just breathing hard, love.' He glanced at her and was rewarded by an outraged glare, followed by, 'Oh, my God!","author":"Ilona Andrews","tags":["audrey","fate-s-edge","funny","ilona-andrews","kaldar","the-edge"],"id":103163,"author_id":"Ilona+Andrews"},{"text":"He had the prettiest hair she had ever seen on a man: dark brown, almost black, and soft like sable, it fell down to his shoulders. She wondered what he'd do if she threw some mud in it. Probably kill her.","author":"Ilona Andrews","tags":["bayou-moon","cerise","funny","hair","ilona-andrews","the-edge","william"],"id":135675,"author_id":"Ilona+Andrews"},{"text":"I glanced at Derek. The boy wonder didn't melt into a pile of goo, although his gaze was glued to Rowena's chest. Avoiding eye contact. Good strategy.","author":"Ilona Andrews","tags":["avoiding-eye-contact","derek","fantasy","good-strategy","ilona-andrews","magic-bites","rowena"],"id":172075,"author_id":"Ilona+Andrews"},{"text":"I realized that I'm a child.'William looked point-blank at her chest. 'No.","author":"Ilona Andrews","tags":["bayou-moon","cerise","child","ilona-andrews","the-edge","william"],"id":182326,"author_id":"Ilona+Andrews"},{"text":"Secret to what?'Secret to shutting you up,' he said. 'I just have to beat you till you're half-dead, then give you chicken soup and'--he raised his hands--'blessed silence.","author":"Ilona Andrews","tags":["chicken-soup","curran","ilona-andrews","kate","kate-daniels","magic-burns","silence"],"id":195972,"author_id":"Ilona+Andrews"}],"pagination":{"page":1,"page_size":10,"total":27,"pages":3,"next":"?page=2\u0026page_size=10"}}