{"quotes":[{"text":"There's a reason caveman started to develop sophisticated tools before the meteor wiped them all out: It's so they could fucking shave. Do you know how frustrating it must have been to be hunched over all night trying to start a fire only to finally succeed just to have your beard go up in flames? No aloe vera back then.","author":"Ari Gold","tags":["ari-gold","beard","funny","grooming","hilarious","humor","rules-to-rule-by","shaving","the-gold-standard"],"id":5178,"author_id":"Ari+Gold"},{"text":"Any man can grow a moustache and a beard! And this does not make him a man! What it takes to be a man is to help a needy person, stand up for the innocent, and lead one's life in the most courteous, dignified and sophisticated way possible to a man.","author":"Avijeet Das","tags":["always-be-a-gentleman","beard","gentleman","life-lessons","life-philosophy","life-inspirational","man","man","manhood","manners","meaning-of-life","moustache","writer-on-writing","writers"],"id":83227,"author_id":"Avijeet+Das"},{"text":"When nothing worked, he decided the least he could do was pick the yam bits out of his beard. But even the proved fruitless since the bits seemed to find their way into the deepest recesses of the beard, and the just small enough boy quickly grew squeamish. Judge if you must, but if you've ever had to pick yam bits out of an old man's bushy beard, I'm sure you'd forgive him.","author":"Jason Carter Eaton","tags":["beard","facttracker","forgive","judge","squeamish","yam"],"id":112292,"author_id":"Jason+Carter+Eaton"},{"text":"Shirts and jeans litter the asphalt, the empty fabric limbs askew as if they're attempting to escape. Blood smears Sarah's lips as she struggles against the chest of a dirty looking man with a beard. Terror. Terror is the only word my mind can seize on and it forgets what it means. I forget how to think - to move.","author":"Brenna Ehrlich","tags":["asphalt","assault","beard","blood","chest","city","clothes","creepy","crime","criminal","denim","fabric","friendship","girl","grab","hobo","horror","jeans","lips","mugging","police","rape","sidewalk","teenager","terror"],"id":162205,"author_id":"Brenna+Ehrlich"},{"text":"I have the most fantastic, stupendous, magnificent idea. Why it’s better than television,' he said, standing there in red, tartan pyjamas, his beard in a sleepy tangle. Dunn's Magnificent Idea.","author":"E L Parfitt","tags":["beard","comedy","humour","idea","magnificient","television"],"id":165543,"author_id":"E+L+Parfitt"},{"text":"Her latest client is Professor Desmond Curnin, a university professor who teaches library sciences to large groups of students. He’s quick to pay on-time, quick to never fall behind. He’s a brown-haired man with an unkempt beard and thick-framed hipster glasses. He slides a leather briefcase stuffed with dollar bills into the open window of Geraldine’s car. “Your fly’s unzipped,” Geraldine points out, disgusted. “Who gave you a license to sell hot dogs, buddy?","author":"Rebecca McNutt","tags":["beard","briefcase","buddy","car","cash","disgust","fly","glasses","hipster","hot-dog","leather","lewd","library","money","professor","unzip","window"],"id":175924,"author_id":"Rebecca+McNutt"},{"text":"A goatee is to beards what diamonds are to ornaments.","author":"Pawan Mishra","tags":["beard","goatee","humorous","personality"],"id":181743,"author_id":"Pawan+Mishra"},{"text":"There is no shortage of well-known pirates, including: Henry Morgan, Captain Kidd, Blackbeard, Blue beard, Yellowbeard, and Yellow beard with Black Roots, who surmised that, if blondes have more fun, then blond pirates must have a heck of a lot more fun.","author":"Cuthbert Soup","tags":["beard","black","blond","blue","famous","fun","pirates","yellow"],"id":222584,"author_id":"Cuthbert+Soup"},{"text":"A full beard looks cool.","author":"Richard C. Armitage","tags":["beard","looks","full "],"id":265400,"author_id":"Richard+C.+Armitage"},{"text":"But you have to understand, my beard is so nasty. I mean, it's the only beard in the history of Western civilization that makes Bob Dylan's beard look good.","author":"Bill Walton","tags":["good","beard","you "],"id":273183,"author_id":"Bill+Walton"}],"pagination":{"page":1,"page_size":10,"total":20,"pages":2,"next":"?page=2\u0026page_size=10"}}