{"text":"There's a reason caveman started to develop sophisticated tools before the meteor wiped them all out: It's so they could fucking shave. Do you know how frustrating it must have been to be hunched over all night trying to start a fire only to finally succeed just to have your beard go up in flames? No aloe vera back then.","author":"Ari Gold","tags":["ari-gold","beard","funny","grooming","hilarious","humor","rules-to-rule-by","shaving","the-gold-standard"],"id":5178,"author_id":"Ari+Gold"}