{"author":"Robert Clark","author_id":"Robert+Clark","total_quotes":9,"quotes":[{"text":"I was very surprised when last I bought a packet of cigarettes and had to request a refund as I read a warning that told me 'smoking can cause fatal lung cancer'.","author":"Robert Clark","tags":["health","humour","smoking"],"id":3322,"author_id":"Robert+Clark"},{"text":"I think Amy Winehouse's decision not to go to rehab was a bad one. In fact, I think it was the worst idea since Dodi Al Fayed said to Princess Diana, 'Ooh, look! A tunnel! Whack that seat belt off and let's have a fuck.","author":"Robert Clark","tags":["addiction","amy-winehouse","epigrams","humour","princess-diana"],"id":7433,"author_id":"Robert+Clark"},{"text":"Always buy pornographic books in hardback because they're easier to hold with one hand.","author":"Robert Clark","tags":["books","humour","masturbation"],"id":157873,"author_id":"Robert+Clark"},{"text":"Delia Smith needs to realise that when Nigella flirts with the camera she comes across as a slut. When Delia does it she comes across as an old slut.","author":"Robert Clark","tags":["delia-smith","humour","nigella-lawson"],"id":179761,"author_id":"Robert+Clark"},{"text":"I am with the Hot Sexy Banking Corporation. As all the other banks are going bust, they are just getting bustier.","author":"Robert Clark","tags":["banking","banks","humour"],"id":277315,"author_id":"Robert+Clark"},{"text":"The government are tightening up on ID for sales of tobacco and alcohol so I recommend that young people take more drugs.","author":"Robert Clark","tags":["drugs","humour","laws"],"id":303092,"author_id":"Robert+Clark"},{"text":"I will now sing another song for your pleasure. Now, if you like Phil Collins...You should be shot in the head.","author":"Robert Clark","tags":["epigrams","humour","phil-collins"],"id":309549,"author_id":"Robert+Clark"},{"text":"People tell me I shouldn't smoke because it is makes you look like a tit. I use exactly the same argument when people tell me they go to the gym.","author":"Robert Clark","tags":["epigrams","humour","smoking"],"id":342848,"author_id":"Robert+Clark"},{"text":"Above all others I pity the homeless: where can they go to masturbate?","author":"Robert Clark","tags":["homelessness","humour","masturbation"],"id":465098,"author_id":"Robert+Clark"}],"pagination":{"page":1,"page_size":10,"total":9,"pages":1}}