{"author":"Mike Birbiglia","author_id":"Mike+Birbiglia","total_quotes":25,"quotes":[{"text":"Directing a movie is a little bit like being back in student government and putting on the homecoming dance. You're like, 'You put up the streamers, and you hire the DJ, and you get the punch bowl.' Some people are just like, 'This dance sucks.' And you're like, 'No no, this dance is awesome!' You have to be really positive.","author":"Mike Birbiglia","tags":["dance","government","people "],"id":11341,"author_id":"Mike+Birbiglia"},{"text":"I think that my regrets mostly have to do with my relationship with my ex-girlfriend. Every once in a while, you get those flashback memories of conversations you had with your exes, and you just, like, wince when you're walking down the street. Something occurs to you, 'Oh, no, I said that.'.","author":"Mike Birbiglia","tags":["memories","walking","think "],"id":11425,"author_id":"Mike+Birbiglia"},{"text":"Someone said to me at a party once, 'Oh, yeah, you're a comedian? Then how come you're not funny now?' And I just wanted to say, 'Well, I'm just going to take this conversation we're having and then repeat that to strangers, and then that's the joke. You're the joke later.'.","author":"Mike Birbiglia","tags":["me","conversation","party "],"id":28915,"author_id":"Mike+Birbiglia"},{"text":"It sounds so nerdy and pathetic, but what I always do on Sunday afternoon is bring my inbox down to zero, which is so sad. But e-mail has become like homework for adults. I'll have 141 messages from people who will be offended if I don't write back.","author":"Mike Birbiglia","tags":["homework","people","down "],"id":31728,"author_id":"Mike+Birbiglia"},{"text":"Bears are simultaneously so graceful and so strong. Bears know who they are, but they often don’t know who you are, which is why they kill you.","author":"Mike Birbiglia","tags":["kindlehighlight"],"id":43824,"author_id":"Mike+Birbiglia"},{"text":"I'm generally so disoriented during the week about what I'm doing and where I am - I travel a lot - that when I'm home on a Sunday, I typically try to sleep in as much as I can.","author":"Mike Birbiglia","tags":["home","sleep","i am "],"id":87312,"author_id":"Mike+Birbiglia"},{"text":"My dad goes through war novels like I go through boxes of Cinnamon Toast Crunch.","author":"Mike Birbiglia","tags":["war","like","through "],"id":125174,"author_id":"Mike+Birbiglia"},{"text":"I've actually always wanted to write like a one-person show that was sort of a romantic comedy - a show that was kind of cynical about romance and marriage but ultimately embraced it. Because I feel like comedy is always cynical, inherently, because it's contrarian.","author":"Mike Birbiglia","tags":["romantic","cynical","comedy "],"id":125839,"author_id":"Mike+Birbiglia"},{"text":"I love pizza. I want to marry it, but it would just be to eat her family at the wedding.","author":"Mike Birbiglia","tags":["love","wedding","pizza "],"id":127480,"author_id":"Mike+Birbiglia"},{"text":"My first car was, as depicted in 'Sleepwalk with Me,' my mother's '92 Volvo station wagon that had 80,000 miles on it, and I had put 40,000 miles on it, so by the time it retired it had 120,000, and I basically killed it. It served me well, and my mechanic was always very angry with me because I just didn't properly care for it.","author":"Mike Birbiglia","tags":["time","mother","me "],"id":140554,"author_id":"Mike+Birbiglia"}],"pagination":{"page":1,"page_size":10,"total":25,"pages":3,"next":"?page=2\u0026page_size=10"}}