{"author":"Lewis Black","author_id":"Lewis+Black","total_quotes":25,"quotes":[{"text":"My parents are the last of the middle class. My father worked for the government designing sea mines. My mother was a substitute teacher. Together, they worked really only until they were sixty.","author":"Lewis Black","tags":["father","mother","parents "],"id":1939,"author_id":"Lewis+Black"},{"text":"It’s absolutely stupid that we live without an ozone layer. We have men, we’ve got rockets, we’ve got saran wrap – FIX IT!!!","author":"Lewis Black","tags":["comedy"],"id":25211,"author_id":"Lewis+Black"},{"text":"All food is comfort food. Maybe I just like to chew.","author":"Lewis Black","tags":["comfort","comfort food","like "],"id":37416,"author_id":"Lewis+Black"},{"text":"Lactose intolerant milk?! KISS, MY, DICK!","author":"Lewis Black","tags":["comedy","humor","milk"],"id":82796,"author_id":"Lewis+Black"},{"text":"Basically I wake up in the morning and I think everything's going to be great. I'm really kind of optimistic, and I look forward to a new day. I pick up 'The New York Times,' and I look at the front page and realize that once again I'm wrong. I start to fixate on stuff.","author":"Lewis Black","tags":["day","great","page "],"id":166684,"author_id":"Lewis+Black"},{"text":"This is how sad my life is: I got a scar from scratching my chicken pox too much. That's my big scar story. I really have no major scars.","author":"Lewis Black","tags":["life","my life","chicken "],"id":166702,"author_id":"Lewis+Black"},{"text":"If you're working out in front of a mirror and watching your muscles grow, your ego has reached a point where it is now eating itself. That's why I believe there should be a psychiatrist at every health club, so that when they see you doing this, they will take you away for a little chat.","author":"Lewis Black","tags":["ego","humour","self-esteem"],"id":170214,"author_id":"Lewis+Black"},{"text":"Parenting isn't just parenting your own child.","author":"Lewis Black","tags":["child","just","own "],"id":173635,"author_id":"Lewis+Black"},{"text":"I'm not a big birthday guy I never have been. ","author":"Lewis Black","tags":["never","big","guy "],"id":186482,"author_id":"Lewis+Black"},{"text":"If you really think there's a Santa, why don't you sit on the front steps all night in the freezing cold and see if he climbs down any chimneys tonight. Good luck. And since we're a family that isn't lucky enough to have a chimney, how would Santa get into our house? Does he bring a locksmith with him? And it probably would have to be a Jewish locksmith, because a Christian locksmith is going to want to be home with his family. And how many Jewish locksmiths are there? None.","author":"Lewis Black","tags":["christian","jewish","locksmith","santa"],"id":187849,"author_id":"Lewis+Black"}],"pagination":{"page":1,"page_size":10,"total":25,"pages":3,"next":"?page=2\u0026page_size=10"}}