{"author":"Jon Stewart","author_id":"Jon+Stewart","total_quotes":44,"quotes":[{"text":"It's not that the Democrats are playing checkers and the Republicans are playing chess. It's that the Republicans are playing chess and the Democrats are in the nurse's office because once again they glued their balls to their thighs.","author":"Jon Stewart","tags":["humor","politics"],"id":900,"author_id":"Jon+Stewart"},{"text":"As heirs to a legacy more than two centuries old, it is understandable why present-day Americans would take their own democracy for granted. A president freely chosen from a wide-open field of two men every four years; a Congress with a 99% incumbency rate; a Supreme Court comprised of nine politically appointed judges whose only oversight is the icy scythe of Death -- all these reveal a system fully capable of maintaining itself. But our perfect democracy, which neither needs nor particularly wants voters, is a rarity. It is important to remember there still exist other forms of government in the world today, and that dozens of foreign countries still long for a democracy such as ours to be imposed on them.","author":"Jon Stewart","tags":["congress","democracy","humor","politics","supreme-court","voting"],"id":10583,"author_id":"Jon+Stewart"},{"text":"You wonder sometimes how our government puts on its pants in the morning.","author":"Jon Stewart","tags":["funny","politics"],"id":15046,"author_id":"Jon+Stewart"},{"text":"The more you delve into science, the more it appears to rely on faith.","author":"Jon Stewart","tags":["faith","science"],"id":23446,"author_id":"Jon+Stewart"},{"text":"Thomas Jefferson once said: 'Of course the people don't want war. But the people can be brought to the bidding of their leader. All you have to do is tell them they're being attacked and denounce the pacifists for somehow a lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same in any country.' I think that was Jefferson. Oh wait. That was Hermann Goering. Shoot.'[Hosting the Peabody Awards for broadcasting excellence at the New York Waldorf-Astoria, June 6, 2006].","author":"Jon Stewart","tags":["indoctrination","iraq-war","jefferson","misquote","war"],"id":31519,"author_id":"Jon+Stewart"},{"text":"Race is there. You're tire of hearing about it? Imagine how fucking exhausting it is living it.","author":"Jon Stewart","tags":["race","race-relations"],"id":43962,"author_id":"Jon+Stewart"},{"text":"Being a superpower is like being a Santa Claus that everyone hates.","author":"Jon Stewart","tags":["funny","politics-of-the-united-states"],"id":44957,"author_id":"Jon+Stewart"},{"text":"The bias of the mainstream media is toward sensationalism, conflict, and laziness.","author":"Jon Stewart","tags":["media"],"id":52750,"author_id":"Jon+Stewart"},{"text":"You have to remember one thing about the will of the people: it wasn't that long ago that we were swept away by the Macarena.","author":"Jon Stewart","tags":["democracy","government","humor","politics","public-opinion"],"id":57022,"author_id":"Jon+Stewart"},{"text":"I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.","author":"Jon Stewart","tags":["absurd","humor","thanksgiving"],"id":66239,"author_id":"Jon+Stewart"}],"pagination":{"page":1,"page_size":10,"total":44,"pages":5,"next":"?page=2\u0026page_size=10"}}